Grow, Baby, Grow: 39 Weeks

How Far Along: Thirty-nine weeks. We're counting days now...

Size of Baby: A watermelon! Ha. She's anywhere from 5.5-9 lbs (although we're pretty sure she falls on the lower end of that range).

Cravings: Clementines &  fruit loops. 

Weight Gain: 17 lbs. Exactly what my mom gained carrying me, which is interesting.

Maternity Clothes: Yes, especially anything soft, cozy & stretchy. The Gap Body collection has been my favorite maternity brand for everyday basics.

Physical Symptoms: Not that many, oddly. She dropped, which took a lot of pressure off my lungs, so breathing is easier. My bladder feels like the size of a raspberry because of her low head position: I'm basically peeing on demand every 30 minutes. Under the recommendation of our midwives, I had a "physical therapy for labor" session earlier this week, which felt incredible. It loosened all those muscles and released tension in my lower back and hips. Fingers crossed it pays off during her delivery.

Sleep: I sleep so much. It's fan-freaking-tastic. I know this will end VERY soon, so I'm really indulging my blissful 9-10 hours every night. 

Fears: I'm feeling especially calm and at peace. I don't know if that's because we're almost at the end, but I don't have any real fears (at least for today). I view birth as a natural process that will unfold as it is meant to. Moreover, both Tiho and I have the utmost faith in my care providers to guide the birth and any necessary decision-making.

Baby's Developmental Milestones: She's ready to go! We're simply waiting for her to figure that out. :)

General Mood & Emotions: Giddy with excitement. I mean, hello: we're about to meet our daughter, a tiny human being who's been growing inside of me for the past nine months. Will she have a head full of hair? A tiny button nose? Scrunchy eyebrows? What will her temperament be? Will she be a November baby (oh gosh, please) or take her own sweet time and arrive in December? So much anticipation. I'd be remiss if I failed to mention how bittersweet all of this feels, though. I truly love being pregnant and know that I'm going to miss this season of life.

Things I'm Looking Forward To: Looking into her eyes for the first time. Holding in her my arms. Seeing Tiho hold her in his arms. Snuggling up together under a cozy sherpa blanket as a family of three.

Coolest Thing So Far: She instantly calms and relaxes when I put my hands on my belly during her movement routine. Also, hiccups! Too cute. 

"A baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." 

-Eda J. Le Shan

Dear Baby, Volume 3

Dear Baby,

I was whimpering in bed the other night because I couldn't get comfortable. You were moving around a lot and it felt like my insides were being pushed to their limits. I was really tired and feeling momentarily sorry for myself before realizing that we only have a few weeks left together with you nestled inside of me. While I dream about the moment I finally get to see your little face for the first time, I am going to be honest right now, and tell you how much I will miss having you in my belly. I have loved being pregnant more than I ever imagined. I know the experience is different for every woman, and I feel so lucky that this pregnancy--this special time carrying you--has been relatively easy. Sometimes it feels like it's taking forever and other times it feels like time is flying by at lightening speed. Even as I write this, I cannot believe that we've nearly reached the end! You are almost ready to come out and meet us. And then? Well, then, it's the beginning. Oh how I love beginnings.

I read the following passage recently: it made me cry. This is for you, my sweet child:

"We promise to love you with a transforming love, 

a love that accepts you as you are unconditionally. 

We promise to comfort you in your pain and vulnerability 

and to celebrate you in your joy and discovery. 

We promise to teach you what we believe it means to be strong and humane, 

and to seek peace in our family and in our world. 

We respect the person you are forever becoming 

and promise to learn from you all you have to teach us. 

We promise to play with you, to work side-by-side with you, 

to cry you with you and to laugh with you.

And, as we learn to parent and love you, we dedicate ourselves to learning, more fully, 

what it means to parent and to love ourselves and each other."

-Shea Darian, from Seven Times the Sun

//

Keep growing, baby. I can't wait to meet you and hold you and snuggle you and kiss you and comfort you and admire you and continue to love you to the ends of the universe and back again, because truth be told: I've loved you from the very start.

Always,
Mama

Grow, Baby, Grow: 34 Weeks

How Far Along: Thirty-four weeks. My due date was adjusted slightly (moved up three days), so counting weeks is a bit off. Hopefully less than six to go.

Size of Baby: A honeydew melon. She's about 18 inches from head to toe and weighs approximately 4.75 lbs.

Cravings: Seasonal anything (pumpkin, hot soup, caramel apple spice from Starbucks, etc.). Lots of water. Can't seem to drink enough!

Weight Gain: 16 lbs (ish). I'll  know for sure after my appointment later this week (my scale always reads differently than theirs).

Maternity Clothes: Of course. The temperatures dropped drastically this past week, so coats, scarves and ankle boots have joined the regular rotation.

Physical Symptoms: Lower back pain if I sit in a desk chair for too long. A good old-fashioned hot water bottle helps tremendously. Also, shortness of breath! She's taking up all my lung-space at this point. The strangest development in the past two weeks has been weak hand control. I've been getting random finger spasms and sometimes need to shake my hands to get circulation flowing (I am told this is normal). I can definitely feel myself slowing down. I'm officially taking maternity leave from the photo business after November 8th, but between now and then, it's basically crazy-time. Really attempting to listen to my body and rest whenever possible so as not to overdo it. 

Sleep: Fine, except for the falling asleep part. I toss and turn trying to get comfortable for at least the first hour every night. She's usually SUPER active during this time, so part of the problem is me becoming distracted by her jabs and acrobatics.  

Fears: This is a silly one, but I really want the house to be spotless before I go into labor. Since we obviously can't predict when that will be, I imagine I'll be a psycho person those last couple of weeks trying to tidy up, dust and run the dishwasher on the regular. Obviously, I know we have zero control over this, but I at least want to come home to clean sheets and an empty kitchen sink. She's due Thanksgiving Day, so we're in the process of trying to plan the logistics of that holiday with family. All I know is that we won't be hosting. 

Baby's Developmental Milestones: She's peeing up to a pint per day now. Bring on those teeny newborn diapers! She's nearly ready to meet the outside world: in roughly two weeks, she's considered full-term.

General Mood & Emotions: Exhilarated with a twinge of anxiety. Still need to choose a pediatrician, pack a hospital bag and fax our pre-registration forms to the hospital, which I'm planning to check off the to-do list this week. We toured the birth center and maternity ward a couple of weeks back, which brought on a weird mix of emotions for me. It's hard to explain, but I felt anxious when I saw the space and realized how the timing of everything is truly out of my hands. I'm a planner by nature, so surrendering to this realization feels significant to me. I trust that whatever is meant to be, will be. But you know, since I'm putting this out there, in an ideal world, I'll go into labor at night, have time to shower and shave while contractions aren't yet intense, drive to the hospital early the next morning where she'll come within a few hours without complication. Then, we'll order Greek food and indulge visitors for two days before returning home in time for cranberry sauce and stuffing. Ya hear me, universe!? :)

Things I'm Looking Forward To:  Finishing up the decorating of her space. We have just about everything we need, so now it's time for the last few loads of laundry and organizing. My grandpa passed away peacefully over the weekend, so while this might sound weird, I'm also looking forward to traveling to Boston this weekend for his funeral/celebration of life and to see my family. If it happened any later, we might not have been able to make the trip, so I'm grateful for that.

Coolest Thing So Far: Taking those photos up there? Spelling out her name with alphabet blocks? Folding tiny socks and hats? Tiho resting his head on my belly and trying to guess which body part is kicking him? Feeling the most beautiful I ever have in my life? Every bit of this? Because...yes.

"What is done in love is done well." -Vincent Van Gogh

Dear Baby, Volume 2

Dear Baby,

Currently thirty-one weeks (+ a few days) along. You are the size of a pineapple (yum), which I find both amazing and alarming. How are you fitting in there? Moreover, how will you continue to fit for another two months? Pregnancy is such a trip sometimes. You move a lot, which makes me smile. At a recent check-up, the midwife felt my belly and said you were "head down," which is exactly how you should be. Keep punching those tiny feet and fists as much as you want, but please, listen to your mama and stay in that position!

It's officially fall now, which is your season. Fall is full of cranberries and nutmeg and knit sweaters and gold and copper on the trees. I'm wondering if you'll be here--on the outside--for Thanksgiving. I love the togetherness of Thanksgiving. If you feel like arriving just a few days early, you'll be able to smell the stuffing--my favorite.

October is full for your daddy and I. He is turning 30 and we'll be traveling to an out-of-town wedding for a long weekend. I have some work commitments in the city a few mornings per week for the whole month, along with lots and lots of photo-taking of little people just like you before I put the camera and my business away for awhile when you arrive. That's actually a lie. I won't put the camera away for you. You'll be my favorite subject of all.

Recently, I'm so unbelievably tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. I know that's because you are having a growth spurt and my body is adjusting. When I am able to do so, I take a nice long pause in the afternoon with a cup of tea. We sit together and relax (sometimes I nap), which usually helps me feel a bit more like myself. I imagine we'll have a similar routine once you're born.

We had a party in your honor a couple of weekends ago. Our friends came to celebrate you and bring you the sweetest gifts. All of your clothes and blankets are washed and folded in your dresser. Your beautiful bassinet is assembled in our bedroom and I'm having way too much fun organizing your toys, books and other little belongings. Your carseat was delivered this week, and admittedly, both your daddy and I had some trouble unclasping the safety belt. It took us a few tries before we were able to get the hang of it.

I imagine that's what parenting will be like. We won't always have all of the answers or figure the tricky stuff out right away, but we'll get there. And we'll get there together, with each other, and with you.

I can't wait.

All my love,
Mama

Grow, Baby, Grow: 29 Weeks

How Far Along: Twenty-nine weeks! 

Size of Baby: A butternut squash. She's about 15-16 inches from head to toe and weighs approximately 2.5 - 3.5 lbs. 

Cravings: Sugar! If I make pancakes, chocolate chips *must* be included. If I drink a glass of milk, chocolate syrup *must* be squeezed into the glass first. I'm trying my best to snack on more naturally-derived sugars like pink grapefruit and Honeycrisp apples. 

Weight Gain: 13 lbs. Typically, women gain up to 1 pound per week during the last trimester, so I'm guessing I'll end up with a total weight gain of between 20-25 lbs. Slow to start, but making up for it now.

Maternity Clothes: Excited to transition into fall with comfy, oversized knit sweaters and leggings. Kind of sick of my summer maternity clothes since I pretty much wore them to death for the past four months.

Physical Symptoms: Inability to eat a lot of food in one sitting due to the fact that my stomach and digestive system is all smushed from baby. I just started experiencing "restless leg syndrome" when I'm trying to fall asleep, which is common in the last stage of pregnancy. My body temperature runs hot almost all of the time, so I mostly kick around the house wearing undies/spandex and t-shirts, much like the pictures up there convey. Every once in a while, I'll sleep with a cool washcloth on my neck. Last week was the first occasion in which I was offered not one, but three seats on the subway, so I guess the ole' baby belly is pretty obvious now.

Sleep: Nighttime sleep is still good (9 hours on average with minimal waking). I'm embracing afternoon naps when my body reminds me that I need to slow down.

Fears: I get anxious about weird things, like not fitting into my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding in October or my grandfather passing away at a time I'm unable to travel (he's 90 years old and pretty sick: it's predicted to happen between now and baby's arrival).

Baby's Developmental Milestones: As of last week, the biggest milestone is the fact that her chance of survival outside the womb is now above 90%. Obviously, I'd like her to stay cozy and keep growing in there for at least another 9 weeks, but it certainly brings some peace of mind knowing she'd likely be okay if she were to come early. I also reached a pregnancy milestone when I passed the dreaded glucose screening test a couple of weeks back: no gestational diabetes, hooray! 

General Mood & Emotions: I've been on an emotional high the past several days as we start to make more concrete plans and preparations for her arrival. We had our first natural childbirth class this weekend, which I loved, and we also interviewed and hired a Doula! Both Tiho and I are beginning to realize just how quickly these next 2.5 months will pass and we're feeling the instinctual urges to prepare as much as possible. I'm currently researching pediatricians and calling to schedule the tour of our hospital birth center. Additionally, I did her first load of laundry and began seriously organizing the dresser drawers and closets. Next up: purchasing and installing the carseat. October is shaping up to be exceptionally busy, so I'm trying to stay ahead of the game as much as I can.

Things I'm Looking Forward To:  Our baby shower next weekend. My mom has been planning it since June and I can't believe it's nearly here. I wanted a non-traditional, co-ed shower so that all of our beloved NYC friends and loved ones could participate. I can't wait to gather with our nearest and dearest to toast and celebrate this sweet girl tumbling around in my belly. 

Coolest Thing So Far: How my stomach visibly moves with her kicks and movements. I'm trying to see if she responds to specific stimuli, such as music, food or annoying pokes & prods from her mama. :)

"Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or hatch."

 -E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

Dear Baby, Volume 1

Dear Baby,

Twenty-six weeks today. You are the size of a head of lettuce and I am two weeks away from the third trimester and fourteen (or so) weeks away from meeting you! I can hardly believe it. Your kicks get stronger and more frequent with each passing day: you like to perform your dance routine when I am trying to fall asleep at night. I have a feeling you're going to be feisty.

Your daddy and I went to IKEA this weekend to try and get organized and also to pick up a few small items for you. We bought you a play gym, a pack of tiny striped bibs (your mama loves stripes!) and some washcloths. We also each ate a vanilla ice cream cone in your honor (IKEA tradition). I promise I'll always buy you an ice cream cone whenever we go there together. Maybe you will enjoy browsing aimlessly with me more than your daddy does. He prefers efficiency!

I had a dream last night where I was giving you a sink bath and you were clutching a rubber ducky. You were squirmy and smiley and had lots of rolls. When it was finished, I wrapped you up in a yellow duck hooded towel and we snuggled on my bed. I love the color yellow. I wonder what colors you'll love?

More and more now, I'm picturing what life will look like once you arrive. Your daddy and I are both a little worried about the lack of sleep (we love to sleep), but more than anything, we are so excited to have you here with us. We love our life together and can only imagine how cool it will be when you join us.

It is currently the last week of August, and typically, I would be soaking up my final few days of summer leisure before returning to the classroom to teach. (Your mama teaches Pre-Kindergarten in New York City). But not this year. You are coming this year(!) and I really wanted to be home with you. I am so grateful that your daddy and I were able to plan for me to take some time off. It feels a little bit strange not preparing for a classroom of kiddos, but that feeling is trumped by the fact that I can focus on preparing for you.

I turn twenty-nine next week. Twenty-eight was simultaneously one of the hardest and best years of my life. I'll tell you more about that another time, when you're bigger. I never really thought about it like this before, but I think I've been waiting to meet you for twenty-nine years. Maybe we've met before? I think we have. I think you are an old soul like me. I love you so much already.

Always,
Mama

Grow, Baby, Grow: 24 Weeks

How Far Along: Twenty-four weeks (+ a few days). Officially in the sixth month.

Size of Baby: A cantaloupe. That seems so big to me. (She's about 12 inches from head to toe and weighs approximately 1.3 lbs). My uterus is apparently the size of a soccer ball now, which blows my mind. The female body is amazing.

Cravings: No real cravings. I've been trying to up my protein intake as per recommendation from my midwife, so I'm enjoying lots of eggs, whole milk, Greek yogurt, peanut butter & cheese. Can't really complain about that.

Weight Gain: Depending on the time of day I step on the scale, anywhere from 7-9 lbs since pre-pregnancy. Hoping that the increase in protein helps me to pack on the pounds a bit. My mom says she only gained 17 total pounds with me, and both Tiho and I are relatively small people, so I'm guessing we'll have a smallish baby? Who knows!

Maternity Clothes: Mostly pajamas? Unless I have somewhere to be, I don't really get dressed (oops!). It's August and it's hot. When I do make it out of the apartment, I favor my black Gap maternity dress or maternity denim shorts with a t-shirt or tank.

Physical Symptoms: Actually, nothing major at all! I think I'm in the "sweet spot" of pregnancy. I'm only a few weeks away from entering third trimester territory, so I'm trying to enjoy this magic time when I feel "normal." (That picture is ironic, because I actually took it when I was feeling sick and super low energy, which is rare). Her little kicks are far and away the best thing about this past month. She is totally on a schedule and it makes me laugh every day (kicking regularly around 9 AM, before & after meals, and from 10 PM until about Midnight).

Sleep: Sleep is great! I am obsessed with my Luna pillow and sleep about nine hours every night.

Fears: I try not to worry too much but sometimes I let my mind go to all of the horrible places. This mostly happens when I hear news stories about infants dying from SIDS or rare childhood diseases. It's so hard not to worry about the things you have no control over, but I'm also pretty good about snapping out of it and just praying for a healthy, happy kid. Welcome to parenthood, right?

Baby's Developmental Milestones: She is getting strong! And her skin is getting pinker and less translucent. Apparently, she knows her way around in there: directionality develops at this stage, or at least a sense of up vs. down.

General Mood & Emotions: Peaceful, happy, eager. Also, ridiculously lazy. It's unbelievably nice not having to commute to work every day (save for occasional client sessions) but I am going a little bit stir crazy since I mostly hang around at home. I'm nearly all caught up on my photo editing and am watching plenty of HGTV. I wish we belonged to a pool because I would be swimming daily. The second half of August and early September is busy for us, so I should just shut my mouth and enjoy these slower days.

Things I'm Looking Forward To:  Seeing lots of friends and family in the coming weeks for a variety of events (BBQs, bridal and baby showers, my 29th birthday, cousin weekend, etc.). Also, using my new electric toothbrush! I know, so random, but I finally went to the dentist and she gave me such a good cleaning to help with my swollen gums. It hurt a lot (my knuckles were white, and when it was over, I was drenched in sweat), but now my mouth feels sparkling clean and I have zero gum sensitivity. Oh, and I'm also looking forward to packages arriving in the mail! Our registry was shared with close friends and family last week, and it's fun to see what's been reserved already (my mom and sister are throwing us a baby shower in September).

Coolest Thing So Far: Feeling her kick a crazy amount when I was snuggling in bed with Tiho. It felt like she knew she was nestled right there between us and was telling us "hey!" 

Grow, Baby, Grow: Twenty Weeks

How Far Along: Twenty Weeks. Halfway there, crazy!

Size of Baby: A banana. (About 6.5 inches from head to rump, and 10 inches from head to toe. She weighs 10.2 oz).

Sex of Baby: Girl, girl, girl. Ultrasound confirmed those early genetic tests. No penis in sight. :)

Cravings: Popsicles, cheese & crackers, all fruit, orange juice, macaroni & cheese, rice pilaf, applesauce, salad.

Weight Gain: 5 lbs. Weight gain has been on the slow side, but baby is measuring on-track. My midwife says to expect a big jump in the next 4 weeks (an additional 6-8 lbs). 

Maternity Clothes: Living in the same few outfits, all of which are maternity. Tiho says I look fantastic because I'm wearing tight clothes to show off the belly. Ha!

Physical Symptoms: Still experiencing random shooting tension up the back of my legs/hamstring: I call them "shooters."  Had a few more lightheadedness/near-fainting episodes, including one during my ultrasound (I think caused by too much time on my back and subsequent pressure on the spine). If I lay on my side, breathe slowly, and sip water, I'm usually fine within 10 minutes, although that sweaty, fuzzy, panicky feeling is never fun. And oh boy, newest development this week: sensitive, puffy gums! I need to go in for a deep cleaning at the dentist, which I'm dreading. All in all, nothing too major, and typical for this stage of pregnancy. Day-to-day, I feel awesome.

Sleep: Up at least twice a night to pee. Only sleeping on my sides, which has been difficult to get accustomed to. A pillow between my legs makes it more comfortable.

Fears: Childbirth? I'm planning on going all-natural if possible, but can't let myself think too much about it or I get freaked out. We'll be taking a natural childbirth education class in September.

Baby's Developmental Milestones: All the major parts are there! We think she has my nose based on the twenty-week ultrasound picture up there. I think she's adorable. Apparently, this is when babies begin developing specific tastes for certain foods based on what the mother ingests, so it's important I eat a well-rounded diet. She's probably going to love carbs and fruit. Tiho thinks I should eat lots of exotic things to optimize the chance of her developing an adventurous palate! 

General Mood & Emotions: So happy. Also, so in love with my husband. I got teary the other day thinking about how we only have a few months left together as "just us." I went up and hugged him and started crying over it. I'm SO excited to meet our little girl but also really trying to stay present and enjoy this season of life before it changes forever.

Things I'm Looking Forward To:  Savoring these slow summer days. Feeling her little kicks and movements! Nesting. We're going fairly minimal in terms of baby gear, but I can't wait to start planning her "corner." My in-laws generously gifted us our stroller when they were visiting from Europe last week. We'll probably keep it in the box for a while longer due to space constraints, but I loved the process of researching, test-driving and picking it out.

Coolest Thing So Far: Watching and feeling my belly expand. Standing naked in front of the mirror is my new favorite pastime. :)

Grow, Baby, Grow: Sixteen Weeks

On Monday, I will be sixteen weeks along. Four months down, and five to go, which simultaneously feels like forever and no time at all. I wasn't sure how I wanted to document this pregnancy and admittedly, haven't done the best job at taking photos up to this point. Now that I'm *finally* feeling energized again, I'm eager to commit to some regular updates.

How Far Along: Just about sixteen weeks (above photo was beginning of fifteen weeks).

Size of Baby: Avocado! (About 4.6 inches and 3.5 oz).

Sex of Baby: Still a girl. ;) We have a name but I'm trying to keep that a secret until the birth, although a few close friends and family already know. I'm not really good at keeping secrets.

Cravings: Strawberries, watermelon, ice cream sandwiches, cereal with milk, lemon water. 

Weight Gain: 2 lbs! I actually lost 4 lbs in the first trimester because of my food aversions and nausea. Playing catch-up now and looking forward to it.

Maternity Clothes: Oh yes, and someone please tell my why I should ever wear anything else again? So comfortable! I inherited a bagful of hand-me-downs from a friend and then added another pair of jeans, leggings, shorts and a few tops to get through the next few months. My (little) bump looks a lot bigger when wearing maternity bottoms because of the stretchy banding which "shapes" the belly. Next up: a bathing suit (gulp) and 1-2 nice dresses for upcoming weddings and events this summer.

Physical Symptoms: No big ones currently. Feeling exponentially better than I did a few weeks ago (constant fatigue and nausea all afternoon/evening). Occasionally, I'm experiencing shooting tension up the back of my leg/hamstring if I've been sitting too long and headaches if I don't drink enough water. Had one near-fainting episode. I was fine once I drank water and ate an apple.

Sleep: Alternating between sleeping like a rock, usually for 8-10 hours, and having insomnia where I toss and turn all night. Experiencing lots of vivid dreams, too.

Fears: Not many. I was worried about not being able to gag down my prenatal vitamin during the first trimester but my midwife assured me that my body was using its stored resources to give me nutrients. So far, things look good and the various genetic testing and screenings have all come back great. I always get a little bit of anxiety before the monthly appointment worrying that something could be wrong, but I truly believe deep down that everything is going to be okay. Our next appointment is the big 20 week anatomy scan in early July, which I'm very excited about!

Baby's Developmental Milestones: She's growing hair, lashes, eyebrows and developing tastebuds. She can also hear our voices! I need to start reading to her. I talk to her in the shower sometimes (mostly, "hi, baby! i love you so much!").

General Mood & Emotions: Overall calmness and elation at feeling (physically) like myself again. Also enjoying the process of putting together a baby registry and browsing baby boutiques in my downtime. Newly discovered: Sprout (a natural and organic children's shop) on the Upper East Side. Loved absolutely everything in the store and couldn't resist scooping up those tiny flamingo leggings and super soft newborn booties.

Things I'm Looking Forward To: A less busy schedule! The school year ended this past week (bittersweet) but I absolutely cannot wait to have more time to focus on my own general wellness. My in-laws are visiting from Europe soon and we're headed to the Cape at the end of the month for two weeks. I'm also excited to start attending regular prenatal yoga classes and diving into a new stack of books (both pregnancy-related and not! Any fun fiction recommendations?). 

Coolest Thing So Far: Just that there's a super active little being inside of me who somersaults like crazy even though I can't feel a thing yet. So weird. Both my midwives and the ultrasound technicians have commented on her movement, which makes me smile.