Yoga in Brooklyn

Emma and I met up in Williamsburg, Brooklyn the other day so I could take a few updated portfolio shots of her doing her thing at one of the yoga studios where she teaches and in the surrounding neighborhood.

I am SO proud at how far she's come and what she's accomplished in the two short years since receiving her yoga teaching certification: she now teaches a variety of Vinyasa and Hot Power classes at four different studios in the city. I try to take her class as often as I'm able and always leave feeling restored. I mean, I know I'm biased, but she's an awesome instructor.

Check her out! She offers private sessions in addition to her regularly scheduled studio classes, so if you want to learn how to do that insane handstand up there, you can!

P.S. She will kill me for saying this, but I am constantly in awe of how she consistently maintains the edgiest personal style without even trying. She is effortlessly cool (and kind and funny and sweet and smart and beautiful and humble and honest-to-goodness, the best person I know).

Let's Talk About...Fertility

I always figured that when we were ready to have a baby we could do so according to our own desired timeline.

That timeline passed several months ago.

I've wanted to write this post for a while now, but couldn't quite muster the full resolve. Putting things on the internet is permanent and makes me feel vulnerable. Discussing something as private as fertility issues on a forum as public as a blog scares the crap out of me.

But, here we are. Let me start from the beginning.

About a year ago, Tiho and I decided we were ready to bring a baby into the world. I have irregular cycles, so we assumed it would take at least a few months of trying. We agreed to casually try for six months in order to avoid putting too much pressure on ourselves or the process. During that time, I was charting my cycles to track ovulation. Come June, we still weren't pregnant and I'd only had three periods since December 2013 (that means I'd only ovulated three times in a seven-month timeframe, and therefore, only had three chances to conceive).

I knew something might be wrong but was secretly hoping that traveling to Europe after a busy school year would help me chill out and jumpstart my cycle (my body/cycles are majorly affected by stress). Moreover, many well-meaning people who knew we were trying to conceive kept telling me to "just relax and it will happen." Lo and behold, I got my period on our last day in Paris. According to my charts, I hadn't ovulated since my previous period, which meant it was an anovulatory cycle: essentially, the past two months of trying were in vain (I never had a chance to conceive because I had never ovulated). I cried hard at that realization. It was one of the first times in the process where I felt that something could be legitimately wrong. I resolved to make an appointment to get checked out upon our arrival back in New York.

In July, I sobbed in my OB's office when I informed her we were trying to have a baby and it wasn't working. I tearfully told her that after a lot of online research and careful tracking of my own symptoms, I was pretty certain I might have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, commonly referred to as PCOS. After several blood and hormone tests as well as a sonogram to check my ovaries, it was confirmed that I did indeed have PCOS.

So what is PCOS? It's tricky to explain because it manifests differently in different people but accounts for infertility issues in 1 out of every 10 women. A big part of the problem with PCOS is insulin resistance due to endocrine abnormalities. Resistance to insulin increases the body’s blood sugar (glucose) levels which effects normal ovulation by preventing the body from releasing an egg, or, limiting the maturation process of the released egg. This directly affects fertility and the ability to conceive. You can read more about PCOS here, here or here, but what I just explained is pretty much exactly what's happening in my body. The good news? It rarely results in untreatable infertility, meaning it is very likely I can get pregnant on my own without the assistance of fertility drugs: it just will take awhile (my doctor told me that for my specific case, it really all comes down to timing. If a "normal" couple typically conceives within six months, my timeline may be double or triple that).

What happens now? Since August, I've drastically changed my diet (cutting out gluten & refined sugar) to help regulate my blood sugar abnormalities. I also stopped eating dairy to decrease any inflammation in my digestive tract. My doctor put me on a low-dosage of a medication that controls the presence of glucose (sugar) in the blood. It is commonly prescribed to women with PCOS who present with insulin resistance like I do. Maintaining my stress levels goes hand in hand with all of this, which is why I've placed emphasis on regular yoga, meditation and a decreased workload. For me personally, over-scheduling and/or lack of sleep is a significant stress trigger. I just had my first acupuncture session this week to explore whether alternative medicine can play any part in treating my PCOS (I believe it can). I am not opposed to modern fertility drugs and will certainly embrace them if I'm unable to regulate my cycles and conceive naturally in the next few months.

I am doing my best to remain optimistic and enjoy life. 95% of the time, I'm at peace with everything and in a good mental place. Of course, there are bad days plagued by sadness or anxiety, something I'm sure anyone dealing with infertility or other medical issues will understand.

The thing is, I know in my heart that we will conceive: I've never for a moment doubted that. I now believe that this baby will come when he or she is meant to come. It's not going to be within our "perfect" timeline, but I'm learning that I need to be okay with that. I don't have ultimate control over anything: none of us do.

I choose to share all of this here because I've found tremendous support from people in my personal life who know what's going on. Keeping it all inside isn't healthy, and part of the journey for me is learning how to rid my body of toxins (both physically and emotionally). Especially now, I find it cathartic to talk about my own struggles openly instead of battling them privately.

Thank you, as always, for listening.

Self-Care

September is my restart month. Birthday on the 1st, a new class of kiddos a week or two later, the official turn of seasons a week after that. I've been around this block a time or two, and fully recognize the necessity of prioritizing self-care while readjusting to new schedules and routines.

Here are five ways I plan to stay healthy + sane this fall:

1). Planning easy, nutritious meals every Sunday & making sure the fridge and pantry are stocked with essentials. I recently made the decision to go mostly grain and dairy-free (another post for another day). In order to do this and not turn into a complete crazy person, I know how vital it will be to plan ahead. In the past, I've always tried to commit to weekly meal-planning but then very quickly end up dropping the ball. This time around, I'm prepared. We have a meal calendar posted on the fridge, rotating grocery lists and a thorough document in a shared folder on google drive dedicated solely to meal ideas and inspiration. I'll be bringing all of my snack and lunch ingredients to work every Monday so I don't have to think about it again until the following Sunday. One less thing to worry about each morning.

2). Leaving one full weekend day free (a stay at home/local errands only day). This is hard, especially with the photo business. Once school starts up again, my teaching schedule limits photo sessions to Saturdays and Sundays. Last year, I made the mistake of over-booking every weekend in order to capitalize on revenue. That meant there were several weeks where I worked seven days in a row with virtually no break. This year, I know that while the money may be tempting, my sanity is infinitely more important. Therefore, I'm limiting my fall availability to no more than six sessions per month (preferably scheduling two back-to-back sessions on the same day each weekend). This will mean turning inquiries away, and I really hate to do that, but I know that I must in order to function properly and deliver clients the most optimal experience.

3). Treating myself to a monthly manicure/pedicure. This one is certainly a luxury, but always feels so wonderful for the hour I'm in the chair. Not much else to say about that.

4). Going to bed by 10:30 every weeknight, sans phone or laptop. Doesn't sound hard, but man, I tend to get a second wind around 10:00 PM and then end up sabotaging myself when I look at the clock, realize it's well after midnight and panic about the maximum 5.5 hours of sleep I'll get that night. Not good. My alarm goes off at 6:00 AM. Repeat after me: a rested Kayla is a happy Kayla. So, 10:30 it is.

5). Commit to two weekly yoga classes and one meditation class. I talked more about yoga in this post, and I know how good I feel when I practice regularly. Thankfully, my sister keeps me in line and always accompanies me out for tacos afterwards. Win win.

Let's recap: eat well, get enough sleep, exercise regularly and value personal leisure time.

Sounds about right, yeah?

P.S. 55 Gentle Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You're Busy Busy Busy. Such great tips!

May 2014 Self-Portrait: Peaceful Warrior

As I've mentioned in the past, my sister teaches yoga in Manhattan. She's been an avid practitioner for years and in January, convinced me to give it a solid try.

Well.

Six months later, and I'm officially declaring that I have absolutely no idea why I didn't begin regular practice sooner. I've committed to making several lifestyle modifications this past year, eating whole being one of them. However, taking up yoga has probably been the most rewarding change for me.

Hands down, the best part of my week is the standing date I have with Emma for our Vinyasa or Hatha class and Yoga Nidra (meditation). I'm incredibly spoiled by the fact that she works at PURE in Manhattan, thus enabling me to attend classes there. (The instructors and facilities are truly first-rate).

I've never been a huge fan of exercise and am certainly not someone who eagerly anticipates going to the gym or out on a five-mile run. I realized recently though, that yoga is the first form of exercise I actually enjoy. I think a lot of that has to do with the spiritual aspect of yoga practice. The physical transformation is obviously encouraging, but it's the metamorphosis of my headspace that really powers my drive and will.

I appreciate how yoga is rooted in mindfulness and intention. Sometimes I can't believe how much I've learned and grown in just six months. I feel stronger and more attuned to the needs of my entire self; mind, body and soul. When you wake up the morning after a physically demanding class and experience that good kind of soreness in your abdominal muscles and more mental clarity than you've known in weeks, it feels pretty damn great.

I look forward to continuing on this journey: it has already transformed my life in so many more ways than I ever thought possible.

"What if our religion was each other 

If our practice was our life 

If prayer, our words 

What if the temple was the Earth 

If forests were our church 

If holy water—the rivers, lakes, and ocean 

What if meditation was our relationships 

If the teacher was life

If wisdom was self-knowledge 

If love was the center of our being.” 

-Ganga White 

[Portrait: May 2014 // Central Park, New York]