And then I accept defeat and close the laptop.
The thing is, I feel happy. It feels as though this season of my life is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm also acutely aware of its finality. Tiho and I both recognize that this time next year could look very, very different for us. Good different, but different nonetheless. When I think about becoming a parent, or relocating somewhere totally new, or buying a house, or taking a leap of faith career-wise, I am excited and terrified. But, these thoughts also cause me to pull inward, like I want to keep everything quiet in fear of altering the universe's plan.
Because lately, I can't seem to define or determine exactly what my plan is, and while that usually makes me anxious, at this moment in time, it feels right.
beautifully articulated Kayla...I have felt that way many times myself...I am also in a space of quiet happiness right now.
ReplyDeleteYou are in a good place, Kayla. You have a good man next to you who shares your values, and even though all these things may make you feel anxious right now, you're together in this. Happy and excited always overcomes anxious.
ReplyDeleteI just had to break up with my boyfriend of five years because he told me he never wanted to have children. I don't know where to begin from here on but I know there is a piece of happiness for every one of us. We just need to find it and recognize it.
I am excited to see what's in store for you. Anything you do; whether minute or extravagant in size, is completely special because it comes from your heart. You make a difference every day, sistah love.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautifully written–and your home looks so welcoming and warm (using that image for living room inspiration!). Delighted that things are so good, and that the future holds so much excitement!
ReplyDeleteamen to lena's comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. I've had "blogger's block" lately, especially in light of things going on in my life (& around the world). Lots of mixed emotions. Glad to hear you're soaking in this season of life, it can be harder to do than we realize!
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